I look out my kitchen window at my brown, muddy, bare back yard where trees appear lifeless and grey without a hint of green.  Even as I know spring is coming, I wait for its arrival under dark, overcast skies.

I think about how colorless grief can feel. How after the initial shock and trauma of the loss has past comes a time when everything feels grey, uncertain and barren. When one begins to feel a tiny bit less overwhelmed, a little less lost, a little more open…then can arrive a time of waiting. The grey of waiting for spring is so much like the changed forever of loss and the not-yet of what is to come in the future.

This is a time for deep and intentional waiting. A time for leaning into a sense of trust that Spirit is very much present in the unfolding process of each new day. Unseen yet present, Spirit is engaged with you in the changing landscape of your grief, inspiration and recovery journey.

While it can be tempting, and in some cases necessary, to take action when you begin to feel better it can also be important to trust the waiting for it will bear its own fruits. In the waiting may be solutions to deep questions your grief has brought to light. Questions about your own next steps, who you will become and how you will live now. These questions cannot be hurried and as much as possible you can guard them by creating more time for waiting.

Give yourself time to stir your questions. Try to resist “having all the answers.” Wait to see what comes forward without pushing; remember that time is an essential component of authentic healing. As much as you can, give yourself permission to make room for waiting in your schedule. Make room for waiting by:

  • Being selective about your commitments. Spend intentional time alone.
  • Seeking soul nourishing people to spend time with.
  • Creating a sacred space in your home to journal, light a candle, listen to music and sit in the stillness.
  • Notice what themes or insights come to you in dreams or periods of meditation.
  • Walk, ride a bike, swim, dance – move your body so that the energy of change will continue to stir within you.

As you wait for the arrival of the spring in your grief journey, trust that it will come. Nurture your heart with compassion, radical self-care and love during this grey season. Sit in the waiting with patience; the season of healing is at hand.

Peace be with you,

Deb Buehler