It seems that many of us are just not used to talking openly and honestly with others about the places where our life hurts.  Through the years as a life coach and minister, I have counseled hundreds of people on every imaginable issue of human life.  It is not uncommon for some to wait until the last five minutes of their session to get to the core pain that brought them to me in the first place.  What often happens next is a deluge of tears as the flood gates of unexpressed emotions are finally opened.

When we are going through a time of bereavement over a loss, it is so important to give voice to our sorrow, anger, pain, and other emotions.  We need to have people in our lives that are safe to share these things with, people who listen without trying to fix us.

It is through talking about the loss and our emotional reaction to it that we can finally move through the pain and find a measure of relief.

Here are three common reasons why we may hold back on sharing the tough facts and the real gut-wrenching sorrows of our lives.

  1. We are afraid that speaking about our pain makes us look weak.  To counteract this fear we need to get it into our heads that we are all, always, in process at some level.  There simply are no perfect people with perfect lives.  There are, however, people who accept what is before them and who learn to integrate even the most painful experiences into the whole picture of who they are.
  2. We are afraid we will wear out our welcome if we cry or talk about our sorrows.  It does take some maturity on the part of the listener to listen without judgment and advice-giving.  It also takes some awareness on the part of the one who is grieving to share a little of their story with several people instead of telling all of it to just one.
  3. We are afraid we will lose control if we start crying.  This fear of losing control, I think, is one of the biggest blocks to authentic grieving.  The truth is that loss hurts and when we have great hurt inside of us, we need relief for it.  Tears are the most natural release.

Have a good cry today.  Then acknowledge your fear about talking to someone and go ahead and do it anyway.  Call a friend, a bereavement coach, a counselor or minister and talk about your places of sorrow and pain.  I can guarantee that you will feel so much better. Remember, SORROW SHARED IS A BURDEN LIFTED.

Peace to your heart this day and always,


I welcome your comments