Even if the loss affects many people in the same family, each person touched by that loss will go through the cycles of bereavement in a unique way. That is because we each have a personality and psyche that responds to life through filters of thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and feelings, filters that belong only to us and to no one else. Another way to think of this is that we are all wired for life with slight variations in our mental and emotional makeup. We are not robots; we are not designed to react mechanically to things that happen to us in this world.
To expect others to grieve the way we do is simply nuts! And to demand that people be over their loss within a predetermined number of days is even crazier! Yet that is exactly what our society tries to do. We give people a tiny window of compassion leave from work and then want them to be back at their position, acting like their old familiar self, at the end of that time frame. It is as if we want them to magically snap out of their sadness and not talk about it any more.
It is even worse when you are the one going through grief and you can hear and feel the messages of impatience from others while you try to process your loss.
- Don’t let other people intimidate you!
- Don’t let them convince you that you should be “over” your loss by now.
- Take your time; feel your feelings; honor your own inner pace and your own way of grieving.
Never try to rush through this sacred life process for the sake of someone else’s convenience. You cannot hurry healing.
I pray you patience with yourself today and with your own bereavement process.